Queen Bella? Whatcha Talking About?
by Cvaboda
Summary: Umm. Hello there. This recorder is new. I just got it off the market with Alice. What do you even say in these recordings?...I have feet...
1. Chapter 1

Umm.

Hello there.

The recorder is new. I just got it off of the market with Alice.

What do you say in these recordings?

_[Introduce yourself.]_

Oh. Right. Sorry Alice.

About me.

I am me. Brown eyes, about five feet, but I am not exactly sure. Brown hair. I have feet.

Well, you must know that. Don't you? Yet you don't. I could be some intergalactic space alien that has a fondness for Italian food. Then that would be the same as saying that when you walk out of the room the table that resides inside of it will disappear, and then reappear in exactly the same place when you walk back in.

Sorry, straying away from topic. Alice told me that I had a very interesting story to tell. I don't get it though. Why do I have to talk to this thing?

_[It's a recorder Bella, your story will live on forever.]_

Al-righty.

Let me introduce myself properly. My name is Isabella Marie Swan Cullen Volturi. Quite a mouthful, isn't it? I used to be your ordinary human college girl, who had to struggle to make ends meet. Yet that girl, did make ends meet and she did make it through college. One exception. I was in college when the vampires decided to rule the world, and they did. With vengeance, I might add. Do you remember that first time in the news, when the pretty newscaster lady all of a sudden fainted? And then, the most graceful creature waltzed onto the screen and told everyone that vampires were real, and they thirsted for human blood.

_[Bella, no one remembers that. It happened almost one thousand years ago.]_

Has it been one thousand years already? Then sorry. That is another story to tell. So there I was, in the middle of all this chaos.

[_Bella, this is only the introduction, you must go in sequence]_

College girl. Me. Vampire invasion.

Alice, I am really tired, can I go tell this recorder later?

**End first recording.**

**Just something that I wanted to put out there. An idea. **

**Tell me what you think. All though there probably wont be a second chapter. Twilight is not mine.**

**Cvaboda**


	2. Chapter 2

Hello, there, mystery listener.

I am really sort about the dratted introduction, but since I am really to lazy to go back and change it, you are stuck with a tired and grumpy me.

Now, sit back and make yourselves comfortable.

It all started with cous-cous (for those that never have eaten it, it is like rice but the kernels are small and round).

I was making a batch for myself, to eat over the week. The sun was out, and I was marveling at the quietness of the dorm kitchen. There was always someone in here. Eating or simply talking about things that they didn't think was appropriate for the actual dormitory. My head throbbed in painful gusts, but the quiet was an immediate pain reliever. Humming quietly to myself, I watched as the fluffy substance grew in the pot.

The dorm kitchen was overlooking a city street, of which, I cannot remember.

But it was that kitchen that was suddenly lit up, as though it were made of diamonds. Looking outside, I saw figures walking all over the place. I mean literally. All. Over. There were creatures on the buildings and on the sidewalks. Some were on top the electrical lines.

I did not do anything.

I simply went back to cooking my food, as the word diamond went through my mind over and over again.

It was only when I actually finished the cous-cous, did I look out side again. All of these creatures were outside, but there was also a crowd of regular non-sparkly people.

You must understand.

I was first class insane.

I did not panic, or call the police.

I calmly took a plastic piece of paper, and wrote:

No sparkly fairies are allowed in this dorm.

I knew from looking outside, that they were simply gathering all of the humans in a crowd of some sort. They were coming for me too, because last time I checked I wasn't a sparkling mass of diamonds.

It didn't take them long. I was putting my cous-cous in the refrigerator when a man marched silently into my kitchen.

"Sparkly fairies?"

His long slender finger held a white piece of paper.

"That is what you are, aren't you?" I said, nonchalantly. Gesturing to the sparkling masses outside, I uncapped a water bottle.

"No, darling, we are something much, much scarier."

**So. Hello there. **

**I received a call from Bella last night, and she was telling me how she loved that I was posting all of the recordings that she sent me. **

**She said, that if you wanted to ask her a question, she will answer it. **

**So review, and I will relate the message to Bella. She is waiting…..**

**Of course, Bella is not a character that I made up, not mine. **

**Cvaboda**


	3. Chapter 3

The vampire simply picked me up, and carried me outside. I immediately started to shiver. Even as sunny as it was, the wind still played with my skin, running icy fingers all over my body. My teeth started to chatter, and I saw that I was the only one that was actually cold. The vampire stood to the side of me, staring at me strangely. There was an unusual quiet blanketing the city, the city that seemingly never slept or stopped. God, the vampire wouldn't stop staring at me. Hello, he was the alien here, not me.

I turned away from the crowd and faced him, grinning like the idiot that I would show him that I was. I put one hand over one eye, and then the other over the second eye. After standing like that for over five seconds, I opened both hands and mouthed,

"Peekaboo."

The vampires mouth dropped open. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. I giggle and turns back, to find that a vampire was addressing the crowd as a whole.

"You all will be assigned new living quarters. The men will be tested, and if you pass you will be turned into a vampire. We look forward to expanding our civilization."

All of the men of the crowd walked away, without a sound, too. The vampire watched with an almost sadistic smile on his face, then he turned to all of the women.

"Now. I have already taken care of the women with children, so what I have left are all of the singles. Organize yourselves. Virgins. Impure."

He motioned to two sides of the crowd and everyone did as he asked. I was left standing in the middle, with my pale skin and white pjs on.

The top vampire stared at me inquiringly. He was tall with a black mop top. His eyes glistened more than anything else on his body.

"Where would you put a marshmallow?" I asked, quite seriously. My mother explained sex with marshmallows. When we were out camping, she brought out a marshmallow and handed it to me.

"Think of yourself as a marshmallow. You haven't yet been touched yet by the world of sex and I hope you won't for a very long."

Then she took another one, and burned ever so slightly against the campfire.

"this is someone who is someone who is still a virgin, but who has been kissed or touched in that way."

I had sat in silence and listened to her. Then she took a stick and lunged into the marshmallow.

"From this point on, you will never be able to call yourself a true white marshmallow, like the one that you are holding."

I never asked my mother about sex again.

"This isn't about clothes, foolish girl." he almost shouted, obviously trying to intimidate me.

"No, Unicorn it is not."

I squinted, looking back at my building.

"it is about me going back to my marshmallow house, and me going back to being my marshmallow self."

I knew that all of the resident camps were stumped. I had that kind of effect in people. My childlike view of the world has always helped me get through to people. I am very good at bringing out the child in other people. But I had a feeling that with these vampires I was going to get nowhere.

Suddenly, a thought came through to me. As it did, my heart ran out of my chest screaming na na you can't catch me.

Why would the vampires keep all of the beautiful young girls together? I read many stories about vampires coming to power. I only hoped that this wasn't what I thought that it was.

Sex toys?

Blood sucking?

" What is your name, girl?" the top vamp asked me.

" My mother told me not to speak to strangers. Especially tall sparkly ones."

The vamp made some very primitive gestures which said.

" You. Get over here. Check her."

I stood frozen as a tall lean vampire with blond hair walked over to me and simply sniffed me. It was a small sniff, like an angry animal that is borderline on attacking you.

It scared the hell out of me.

Honestly, who was I to be playing games. They are serious about this, and they are vampires.

As soon as he pulled away, I ran to the virgin side.

A pale hand shot out and caught my arm.

"You aren't going anywhere, little songbird."

The fear in my eyes must have been unmistakable because all of the vampires laughed at me. They had finally brought down their tormentor.

"What is your name, Marshmallow?"

My lips couldn't bear to say the real thing, so what came out of my mouth were my nerves.

"Dentarthurdent Slartibartfast."

The vampire was suddenly in front of me. The courtyard that I was standing in, suddenly didnt feel big enough.

Fear is something that is feared by the weak mind. What did I have to lose?

"Or you can call me Zaphod for short."

I was suddenly aware that the vampires weren't even paying attention to me.

"I think that we have found our future queen." said one of them.

"But she is an idiot, just look at her!" said another.

"You are the idiot. It isn't about her state of mind, it os about the purity of the blood. It is obvious that he line of ancestors have not been touched, or anything close to the sort." said Mr. Mop Top.

"I suggest we kill her right now and share the blood. It will be the sweetest of them all."

As they were speaking, I slowly inched away from them and joined the virgins. It seemed that all of the girls were under some kind of spell. They didnt speak. They just looked straight ahead, emotion completely sucked from the eyes.

"Zombie and Vampire apocalypse, What people would pay to see that." I muttered.

Finally the vampires came to a decision.

"Oh, sweet marshmallow. Come here, sweet." Mop Top was speaking,

I sunk to the ground, sweat dripping off of my brow. My heart ran in so many circles that I could barely hear it. Why didn't I just take them for serious? We could be going to our new living quarters by now.

Someone was pulling on my arm. It was a gentle touch.

"DON'T YOU DARE PUT THOSE SPARKLY FINGERS ON MY SKIN!"

I was too slow.

"It wont hurt one little bit."

He leaned down.

_**Anything recognizable is not mine.**_

_**REVIEWERS WILL GET A PREVIEW VIA PM.**_


	4. Chapter 4

Let me explain myself. Right now, my actions might seem stupid and rash to you, but I promise you it was those actions that brought me here today.

Well that, and also I was an anemic person.

If I didn't take my iron pills than things could get very crazy. Usually I took my iron pills with my cous-cous in the morning while eating with my friend Rosalie.

Anyways, on with story.

Where did I leave off? Alice can you go check?

[_The part where he leaned down.]_

Okay, I must warn you about the following events. If you have a bad stomach then... Do as you please. I am only a voice on a recording, not your mother.

So, he leaned down.

He took his time too, as though to savor a small victory. One moment I was a butterfly caught in a Venus flytrap the next, I was slowly floating away in shock to my fellow humans.

There was a feral snarl, and Mop Top was lying on the ground.

Beheaded.

I remember just staring and slowly backing out, because I didn't want to be charged with murder of a vampire, _and a sparkly one. _

"Don't move."

A low voice spoke from behind me.

I froze, praying to god that this was some kind of vampire slayer who has come to save and then lead me home where I could eat my damn pills in peace.

Here I meet Jasper.

I hate that man so much, sorry Alice, that I don't know just how to describe my emotions towards him.

Anyways, it was him that told me to freeze like popsicle, so I kinda did. Well my body, did freeze as instinct told it to, but that mouth of mine only spoke the unabridged version of my thoughts.

"Did you kill him? That's impossible. I killed him. I am a super ninja that can kill sparkly cupcakes and then eat them for snack. Ewww. Why did I say that? Heart. I love you all. Can I go home now? I think I will go home. Or we could play freeze dance. That is totally fine with me. Although I hope that someone has an IPod with killer speakers."

Jasper just bonked me on the head and I was out like a light.

Although, in a few minutes I would have done the job myself.

I woke up smelling the contents of last nights drinking. It was dark, as cliché as it sounds, it was dark. My eyes didn't adjust to the darkness because it was seriously pitch black like the caves of Yellowstone. Metaphors are fun.

Thankfully it wasn't I who relieved myself, it was probably one or two of the other girls I shared the fish tank with. By fish tank I mean a literally fish tank. From the sounds of moaning, snoring and plain screaming I can estimate that there were about at least one thousand of us put in a glass cage ( the enclosing was made from bulletproof glass).

It sounded like the weirdest Justin Bieber concert ever.

I sat for a long time contemplating. I wish that I could say that I was thinking about the meaning of life and why was life so cruel and yadda yadda but I wasn't. I was thinking about the next time I would have chocolate cake. My stomach growled, only adding to the boiling mass of sound. Indeed there was so much noise that I can classify it to be a solid mass.

Thank God I can scream really loud.

From my mouth came,

"ICE CREAM CAKE FISH BULLETS VAMPIRES SPRAKLY SUNSHINE SCHOOL GOD CRUEL OPEN CLOSED CUPCAKES ANGELS DEMONS BOYS WIERD WHY ARE WE HERE AND WHY ARE WE FISH WE ARE HUMANS I AM HUNGRY TO DEATH AND HOPEFULLY DANCING IN THE STREET WON'T BE A PROBLEM."

A silence fell across the crowd of tired women. I sucked in a small breath.

"I know that we are all tired, in pain and down't know what in the world is going on. As you all can feel, we are in some kind of enclosing made for humans. I propose a way to get out. If we all scream as high and as loud as we can then we may be able to crack the glass. Ready? On my count. 3, 2, 1."

The room was filled with the worst imaginable noise that we could emit. I plugged my ears. After about a minute, a horrible cracking noise filled the room.

We did it.

Too bad I didn't plan what to do next, because all hell broke loose

**Anything publicly recognizable is not mine. **

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